The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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