I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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