her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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