you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
