So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
