dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
