hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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