Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
