Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
