Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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