Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
