and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
