ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
