She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
