I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
