I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
