i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
