But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
