The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
