Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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