I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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