Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize