Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
