john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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