somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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