i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
