There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
