I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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