OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
