Im at strip club and am horny
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
