sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
