It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
