12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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