There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
