I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize