It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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