from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
