please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize