So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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