I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
