I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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