Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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