I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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