Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
