she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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