It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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