Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
