When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize