you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want nice things and good sex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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