Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize