I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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