I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
