After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize