I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
