he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
