making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
