Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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