okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
