is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
