I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
