i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
