dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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